


Loving a Jedi

by Elveny



Series: Feels like Destiny [6]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic, star wars: knights of the fallen empire
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 03:10:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8649313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elveny/pseuds/Elveny
Summary: "I’m not sure I’d have been brave enough to fall in love with a Jedi myself.”“I guess that makes me braver than you, Commander.”





	1. A New Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set directly at the end of Chapter XII of Knights of the Fallen Empire

Jiune stood in the clearing, the steady sound of the waterfall all there was.

She felt in shock and for a second she thought she might just collapse on the spot but something held her upright. Just like that, both Darth Marr and Master Satele were gone and even the creature was nowhere to be seen, making her wonder if all of it had just been another vision. But the hilt of the new lightsaber in her hand proved the reality of her experience. She closed her fingers firmly around it but her gaze was fixed on the sky. Recognizing star constellations that had become familiar and holding on to them, focussing on the beautifully balanced feeling of the Force which welled up within her, so much stronger than before. She never wanted anything from Valkorion but he had gifted her with strength nonetheless. And she already knew that she would use this strength, she had already relied on it instinctively - making the familiar movements, strikes and forms so much more easy.

But it was more than the knowledge that something of Valkorion’s was now inevitably part of her. It was what he wanted from her. And not only he, Marr and Shan as well: to take the throne of the Eternal Empire. It was a thought that filled her with horror and dread. She never wanted a throne, least of all that throne. And yet, everyone seemed to push her towards it, making anything else near impossible.

“Do you remember?” she whispered into the night, seeing another night completely. “Master Orgus, do you remember what I told you? That some day I would want to lay down my weapons, my robe… It seems like we both could not foresee such a future.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It obviously did no longer matter what she wanted. There was some kind of destiny to be met. Even if she dreaded it.

She barely noticed the looks and whispers when she came back into the base and made her way straight to the war room. Nobody looked at her as she came in as they all were focussed on the holo and a small smile flickered over her face before she said:

“If I were an assassin droid, you’d all be dead.”

The comment might not have been the funniest she ever made but it served its purpose: announcing her presence and take her mind off what had happened the last two days. Every head snapped around and she did her best to fake a disapproving look - even though it was quite obvious that something was amiss.

“Where the blazes have you been?!”

Jiune could hear the mix of worry and relief in Lana’s voice and the mischievous grin upon being able to sneak in undetected died on her lips. She had been gone two days without a word on where she was and with a guilty pang she realized that she had been so involved in what happened that she hadn’t spared too many thoughts on how this must have been for her friends. She looked over to Theron who looked like he could barely restrain himself and she knew they deserved the truth. Even if it might sound unbelievable.

“Valkorion dragged me into the wilderness and almost killed me”, she dropped the bomb, momentarily ignoring the shocked murmurs and gasps from her friends. “Then, he left my mind to go… somewhere else. He wouldn’t say. I found Master Satele Shan with the spirit of Darth Marr. They helped me build a new lightsaber to defeat Arcann.”

She flashed Theron a glance as she mentioned his mother and could nearly physically feel his shock and intrigue. Lana made a step towards her as she mentioned Marr and Jiune nodded. “They’re a team now. Following the will of the Force.”

Both Theron and Lana seemed to forcefully calm themselves and Lana gritted her teeth before she said: “That’s an awful lie. It must be true.”

Nearly everyone seemed to want to say something but before anyone else could add anything, their attention was forced back on the holo.

“Blast it”, Kaliyo hissed. “Skytroopers. At least a dozen. Almost ran into them.”

Jiune snapped to attention. The operation was obviously already running - and badly at that.

“Don’t panic”, Theron said. “Maybe they didn’t see you.”

Kaliyo grinned a cold grin. “If they did, things are about to get excit…”

And with that, the connection flickered and then was lost. Theron immediately got to reestablishing it, his fingers racing over the controls.

“Kaliyo, come in. Come in!” Nothing. “No signal”, he confirmed.

Senya shook her head. “We need a contingency plan. If they capture her, turn her against us.”

Aric Jorgan joined in. “I warned you this would happen. We’re going in.”

Jiune nodded grimly. “Kaliyo had her chance. It’s your turn, Major.”

Jorgan gave her a short nod. “We won’t let you down, Commander. Havoc Squad, move out!”

His signal was cut and an image of the tower came on and Jiune leaned forward to have a closer look, even though she knew perfectly well that they wouldn’t receive anything. She felt guilty. This was supposed to have been under her supervision, she could have been there. But on the other hand - she needed to trust her people. She just hoped that their mutual dislike wouldn’t lead Kaliyo and Jorgan into recklessness.

“If I may say so, you look like crap”, Koth said and Jiune shot him a glance before she flashed a smile.

“Always the tactful, Koth.”

He held up both hands. “Hey, I’m only doing my job here and look out for you.”

“He is right, you know”, Lana joined in. “It must have been quite the ordeal. You should get some rest. We’ll alert you as soon as we hear something.”

Senya nodded even though she looked like she nearly burst with questions. Jiune sighed and then relented. They were right, she needed rest and if she looked only half as bad as she felt she probably was quite the sight. Even more so - this mission seemed to develop in a direction which might need her direct intervention and then she really needed to be focussed and rested. She felt Theron’s hand on her elbow.

“I’ll walk you to your quarters”, he said and Lana nodded. Despite everyone knowing that they both lived there, he never talked about their quarters as ‘theirs’, always as hers. It was his way of public formality, she supposed.

They walked the short way to their two small rooms and as soon as the doors closed behind them, Theron pulled Jiune against him and buried his hands in her hair, inhaling her scent with shaking breath, as she pressed her face into the crook of his neck, holding him.

“Don’t do that again, alright? Disappearing on me”, he murmured and Jiune could feel him shaking. 

For a few moments, they just held each other, feeling each other’s warmth.

“You know, I actually called you for backup”, she said and Theron knitted his brow.

“What? When! I didn’t…”

She interrupted him with a small gesture. “The call never came through. Valkorion made sure of that.”

With a sigh she sat down on the couch, a tiredness in her limbs that made it hard to move. Theron sat next to her, pulling her towards him. Grateful, she settled against him, laying her head in his lap.

“Are you alright?” he asked, stroking her hair.

“Yes”, she answered but it didn’t sound right. “No. I... I don’t know. It’s… weird.” She turned on her back and looked up at him. “Valkorion disappearing like that… I thought he needed me to stay alive, used me as a ride. To know that he could have gone at any time changes everything. He is still stronger than I expected. And I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t control me if he could do all this?”

Theron looked thoughtful. “Maybe Kira was right all along and that’s the one thing he can no longer do since you managed to break his hold over you once already.”

“Yeah, maybe…”

For a moment they were both silent. Then Theron asked tentatively: “You said you saw my mother?”

Jiune sat up again with a jolt. “Yes! Oh, Theron, I’m sorry, I should have come to that immediately. Yes, I saw her. She’s fine. Really is.”

Theron nodded but for once she wasn’t able to read him.

“Good.“

Jiune hesitated. She wasn’t sure if what happened to her and what Satele did - or contemplated to do - was really something he wanted to hear. Theron looked at her with guarded eyes.

“What is it? Did she say something about me?”

She shook her head slowly, holding his hand. 

“Not directly, no. It’s just… she’s changed. And I’m not sure for the better.”

“How so?”

Jiune sighed. “After Valkorion left me, I wasn’t in good shape. He fought me, you know, and he could have killed me. He nearly did, in fact. And even though he strengthened my connection to the Force, I’m not sure whether I’d have survived, hadn’t your mother found me. She told me, though, that both she and Marr actively discussed killing me.”

“What?!” His tone was sharp and angry but she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She fought with herself if she should tell him the rest but she felt he deserved it. So she continued.

“They only rescued me because, as they said, for the first time in a long while they felt hope. When I told her that you wouldn’t be that happy about my death, she only said that she didn’t help me to spare your feelings.”

“You talked about me?” He still seemed angry but his voice betrayed more shock than actual anger. Jiune looked at him apologetically.

“I thought she should know about us. Was I wrong to mention it?”

Theron didn’t look at her for a second but even though he was clearly agitated, he shook his head. “No. You’re right. She should know about us. What did she say?”

“Nothing more, really”, Jiune confessed softly. “And she already knew. It seems like they were on Odessen all along, watching us.”

“What!” Theron could no longer sit still. He got up, clenching his hands, staring at nothing before he turned to Jiune again. “She was here all along and did not contact me - us?”

She nodded sadly. It was hard to see him so upset even though she knew that she wasn’t the reason for it. 

“So, where is she now? Will she join our cause?”

“No. She and Marr both left, saying the Force called them elsewhere. They have both given themselves over completely to the will of the Force.”

“The Force! What is that even supposed to mean!” Theron couldn’t really keep his disgust out his voice as he started pacing and Jiune looked to the ground, hurt despite the knowledge that it wasn’t his intention to attack her. But she knew he didn’t really expect an answer.

“They helped me get attuned to my stronger connection to the Force and said that I should take the Eternal Throne. They said every other choice would lead into chaos.”

Her voice had become very small at these words and she felt her throat close as she remembered the dread that had filled her at Satele’s and Marr’s statement. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to help defeat Arcann but she didn’t revel in leadership. It was a necessary cloak she wore because she had to - and the thought that she would put it down again once the fight against Arcann was over made it easier. Hearing over and over again that she was to be an Empress scared her - not least because it was what Valkorion had said from the very beginning. How did Satele’s and Marr’s approach differ from Valkorion’s? 

In her state of exhaustion it was hard to focus on the mind exercises which calmed her but they were so ingrained that they still helped. Pondering a question she had no immediate answer to was useless anyway. 

So she focussed on ending her story. “I had a vision of fighting Vaylin and it was so real… it was as if it actually happened. I saw and heard her, even smelled her,  _ felt _ her. I felt her blows, the pain as she threw me against the cave, the blood she shed. I saw it when the life left her as I struck her down, her blood on my hands.”

She stared at her hands, the memory still so vivid in her mind. 

“But it all disappeared a moment later. Just a vision.”

Theron took her hands in his, sitting down again, his anger vanished, his presence anchoring her. “Why would you have a vision of fighting Vaylin and not Arcann?”

“‘Behind Arcann stands Vaylin... and behind her, many others. They will all try to stop you’”, she quoted. “That’s what Marr said.”

Jiune rubbed her hands over her eyes, sighing tiredly. “I forged the lightsaber with both of their help and at the end had to confront a creature whose children I had had to kill. Master Satele said that creature was my final test. I managed to calm her without a fight, so I guess that’s good. And afterwards, both Satele and Marr left.“

She looked sadly to Theron. “I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you more and better news of your mother.”

Theron laid his arms around Jiune and pulled her towards him, kissing her temple. “No. I’m sorry I got angry. None of this is your fault. And I actually didn’t expect more from Satele. Kinda hoped I would be wrong but well.”

He looked at her with a half-smile then kissed her. “You really should get some rest. I’ll be in the war room.”

Jiune nodded and Theron kissed her again, his lips warm and tender against hers. “I’m glad you’re back safely”, he said quietly. Jiune smiled and nodded.

“Me too.”


	2. Delay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t think I could live with you leaving me for some Jedi philosophy. I wouldn’t know how to deal with it. And at the same time I don’t want to hold you back, sap your strength. There’s a reason you don’t get attached after all. So maybe it’s better if we don’t. Get more attached.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some time between Chapter XIII and Chapter XIV

“Explain to me again why we have to look for allies in Zakuul of all places”, Theron said, shaking his head slightly. His eyes were constantly moving from side to side, seeing and analysing every corner, shadow and vantage point. Jiune smiled. She didn’t need the Force to know he was watching out for her.

“We can’t really be picky, Theron, you know that. Not yet anyway.”

He shot her a look and the corner of his mouth twitched. “I like your optimism.”

Jiune shrugged. “It’s really all we have, isn’t it? And I would be the worst commander ever if I gave up on including Zakuul in this Alliance.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know”, Theron said. “It’s just - so soon. Could’ve gone to more familiar and in general not that hostile planets to get recruits.”

“We want to defeat the Eternal Empire, not Zakuul”, Jiune responded calmly and Theron sighed exasperated.

“Must you be so… Jedi-y about it?”

This time it was Jiune who shot him a look and raised an eyebrow. “I can’t really help it. Nor would I want to.”

He didn’t answer immediately but something in his face betrayed that this answer wasn’t really what he had hoped for. Jiune’s heart sank but at the same time she knew that this wasn’t something she could help him with. The fact that she was a Jedi would always be difficult for him - if he didn’t acknowledge the fears that came alongside it. The hurt of being rejected by his mother went deeper than he allowed even himself to see but by now, Jiune knew him well enough and had witnessed enough moments to see some things more clearly than even he himself. One day, she would have to prove to him that she would not abandon him at the first sign of problems and that her position was another one than that of Grandmaster Satele and her view of the Jedi teachings did not match those of the Grandmaster - or most Jedi, if she was completely honest.

But this was neither the time nor the place to work through something so deep and hurtful. Nonetheless she stopped for a second and lightly touched his hand, as she turned to him.

“Theron”, she began but his eyes met hers only for a split-second before they snapped to something behind her.

“Skytrooper”, he bellowed and they both reacted instinctively. Theron dove out of sight and drew his blaster, the first hostile shots missing him only by a margin. The electric buzz of her lightsabers was just forming the blades as Jiune threw them both towards the droids landing, at the same time as she was turning and dropping to her knees, ducking beneath the shots fired at them. The first Skytrooper fell apart and the other two were ever so slightly pushed back, just enough so that their shots went astray and gave Theron the chance he needed to hit the second one. Jiune used the Force to pull her lightsabers back towards her and just as her fingers closed around the hilts she leapt towards the last one, the blades hissing as they met metal. The Skytrooper fell as quickly as the first two, it’s limbs falling to the ground, glowing at the cut edges from her lightsabers’ hits.

“You okay?”, Theron asked as he ran up to her. Jiune gave him a short nod.

“They know we’re here”, she said. “The knights won’t be far behind.”

Theron nodded. “Let’s get out of here”, he said and after a last look around they disappeared into a side street.

* * *

 

“Not our lucky day”, Theron murmured some time later when they ducked behind another corner as a patrol came towards them. They had been playing Hide and Seek for way too long - disappearing from one patrol’s view just to meet another one two streets further up. Twice more they had been forced to fight their way out and by now they were in a completely different sector and had been forced so much away from their original destination that the chances of making the rendezvous today were long gone. They would have to try tomorrow.

“Arcann knows we’re here”, Jiune agreed grimly. “There are at least three times as many patrols as the last time we were here. At this rate we have to either fight our way out or...”

Theron raised an eyebrow when she didn’t complete her sentence. “Or?”

Jiune nodded towards a warehouse some distance across the street. “Or we wait it out. One thing they’re probably not expecting is us staying directly in the middle of enemy territory. If there is no further encounter…”

“... they will assume we have left or are in another area”, Theron completed and nodded pensively. “Could work.”

“Well, if not, we at least got a chance to catch our breath before we fight again”, Jiune said, flexing her aching arm where a blaster had grazed her.

“Alright”, Theron said after a moment of thinking. “I have an idea. Cover me.”

Before she had the chance to ask what he was up to, he was already sprinting down the street towards a holo terminal. ‘Damn it, Theron’, she thought exasperated and quickly followed him, readying her blades. Sometimes, his usual preference to working alone was very very obvious. Fortunately, he didn’t need long to splice into the holo network and send out the message he intended.

“Okay, local security got several anonymous hints of having sighted the Outlander three sectors down and will receive some timed calls later on. Give them a few hours and we should be clear.”

“Good thinking”, Jiune said, her face lighting up.

Theron shrugged and grinned. “I have this job for a reason, you know. Alright, let’s get some rest.”

* * *

 

They barricaded themselves in an office in the second floor of the warehouse. Theron positioned himself at the window overlooking the street to keep an eye on patrol movements and Jiune shrugged out of her cloak with thankful sigh. She opened some cords to loosen her dress and pulled it down over her shoulder to look at the wound. It wasn’t deep and probably wouldn’t even leave a scar but the graze burned badly and she gritted her teeth before she took a deep breath, acknowledging the pain and sending it away. It eased instantly but she knew that she needed to tend to it or it would be worse a few hours later and would hinder her movements.

“Can you give me a hand?” she asked and looked up, meeting Theron’s eyes. He had been watching her but where she would have expected the hint of a smile, she rather saw sadness.

“Sure”, he said nonetheless and came over to her, taking the kolto spray and covering the wound with it. Jiune resisted the urge to sigh loudly as the healing agent took effect, cooling and easing her pain in an instant.

“Thanks”, she said and Theron nodded.

“Sure”, he said again and made a move to get up again. Instinctively, Jiune grabbed his hand, even before she actively registered how he put her off. He had been a bit distant for a few days - it was part of why she had asked him to come along: she had thought they could use a day or two away from the base and everyone else. But she had thought their trip would make them closer if anything. And now it seemed to have the completely opposite effect. 

Theron paused and looked at their hands and again, Jiune interwove her fingers with his. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked very gently and softly.

“It’s nothing”, he said but didn’t get up.

“Theron”, she urged and squeezed his hand ever so slightly. “I can see that something is bothering you. Please tell me?”

For a long moment, he didn’t say anything. Then he sighed and finally settled down next to her. Jiune waited patiently and quietly, knowing he needed to collect his thoughts.

“Sometimes it’s hard. You being a Jedi and all.” He seemed to have to force the words out. Jiune’s heart clenched but she betrayed no emotion.

“I can live with the knowledge of losing you in battle. Sort of. Okay, not really, but it’s nothing I can control. At all. I cannot keep you out of battle, wouldn’t want to. And it’s a danger I’m used to. But…”

He seemed unable to sit still any longer. She let his hand go when he got up and started pacing. Finally he turned to her again.

“I’ve always known you’re a Jedi, obviously. And I dealt with the thought that Jedi don’t get attached. It’s something I’ve always known, especially with my mother being who she is. And I thought I’m okay with you being a Jedi, I really did. I was okay with it. But now… after what you told me about what Satele said about me - or rather didn’t - I…”

He stopped and let his hands sink with an exasperated sound as he turned to her. “I don’t think I could live with you leaving me for some Jedi philosophy. I wouldn’t know how to deal with it. And at the same time I don’t want to hold you back, sap your strength. There’s a reason you don’t get attached after all. So maybe it’s better if we don’t. Get more attached.”

His voice had lost its strength at the end and he just sounded helpless and lost.

Jiune hadn’t moved while he talked. She had dreaded this conversation but she had known it would probably come at one point or another. But now that it had come she was less anxious than she would’ve thought. When he was finished and just looked at her, a pained expression in his eyes, she got up and went to him, taking his hand in both of hers. For a second, she looked down at their intertwined fingers, softly stroking her thumb across the back of his hand. 

“You know, there would be many Jedi who would agree with you. Attachment makes us reckless and put the needs of few over the needs of the many, our teachers tell us. Most Jedi would agree that it would be better if we don’t get more attached to each other and end it now.”

She could see how his eyes got guarded and he even tried to pull his hand out of hers but for once she didn’t let him. A muscle worked in his jaw and she quickly continued, a calm urgency in her voice.

“I’m not one of them, Theron. And I don’t even think your mother would be one of them - or she would’ve tried to talk me out of it when she prepared me for the battle with Arcann. But she didn’t. Instead, I found things in her camp that spoke of you. A holo with your picture, toys from your childhood - she was anything but detached.”

Theron had stopped trying to pull his hand away. Instead, the look on his face had changed to puzzlement.

“She had stuff of me?”

Jiune nodded and smiled softly. “Theron, when it concerns you I lost the fight with my Jedi teachings long ago. Don’t you think I didn’t ask these questions myself? Back on Rishi, when this started?”

She gestured between them, indicating their connection.

“And even if at the beginning I was just so head over heals that I didn’t want to think about what this meant, I made a conscious decision at one point to accept my feelings for you. Not only accept, but embrace them, allow them. And I found that they made me stronger. Knowing you are here for me is not sapping my strength. On the contrary. You  _ are _ my strength.”

She cupped his face with a hand and for this moment, nothing of the usual Jedi calmness smoothed her face, letting her raw emotions shine through.

“I will never leave you for a philosophy. Never. I swear.”

Theron took a deep breath and it looked like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders. A smile formed on his lips and grew as her words took hold and as always, this made her knees weak. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from teasing him:

“Or are you telling me you’ve discovered your Force sensitivity after all…”

Theron laughed. “Stop it”, he said but Jiune wasn’t deterred:

“... and signed in with the Jedi and that’s why…”

He sealed her lips with a kiss, pulling her close to him. Jiune could still feel the laughter in his chest when she put her arms around his neck.

“You’re the worst”, he said with a fond smile when they parted. Jiune grinned and shrugged slightly.

“That’s why you like me.”

Theron laughed briefly, running his thumb over her cheek before he shook his head, a strange expression in his eyes. Jiune cocked her head curiously, waiting for him to continue.

“No”, he finally said, searching her eyes. “That’s why I  _ love _ you.”

For a second she forgot to breathe and her heart did a little somersault. After their first night on Odessen, they had never talked about love. It was every day implied, in gestures and touches but never said out loud. Until now. Happiness flooded her, warm and glittering and a bright smile lit up her face.

“I love you, too”, she murmured and for the second time this day, Theron looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder. She thought he might say something but instead he kissed her again.

It was a loving, tender kiss at first but when his hand found its way to her neck to pull her even closer, her lips opened beneath his, tongues dancing, a fiery passion rising within her. They hadn’t had much opportunity to be with each other in the last days and now, she needed to feel him, all of him. Without thinking she slid her hands beneath his jacket, tucking at it and she could feel his smile against her lips before he shrugged it off, his hands going on a search of their own. Jiune made some steps backwards until she knocked against the office table and pushed herself up on it, her legs straddling Theron. 

Papers, datapads and office supplies fell to the floor as Jiune wiped them aside, when she lay down on it, pulling Theron with her, tugging at his pants. Her eagerness made him smile delightedly and he kissed her with a passion matching hers. Her skin tingled where his hands found it and she could feel his muscles contract ever so slightly where she touched him, a pleased hum in his throat as he kissed her bared skin, his fingers finding their way between her legs. She gasped with pleasure as he entered her, her fingers curling into his back as they found their pace. For a moment, their eyes locked, full of promises they didn’t need to say out loud then the pleasure made her close her eyes again with a wordless sound as she pulled him closer, even closer, arching her hips against his, their movements getting more frantic and passionate, her name a moan on his lips as he found his release. 

She stroked his hair lovingly afterwards when he buried his face against her shoulder, taking his weight. When he looked at her again after a long while, he grinned.

“You know, I could get used to waiting like this.”

Jiune laughed. “Oh yes, me too.”

They slowly got up again, gathering parts of their clothing from the floor. When they were dressed again, Jiune went over to the window to check the street for patrols.

“I’m sorry, by the way”, Theron said as he picked up datapads and paper to place them back on the table.

“For what?”, Jiune asked, looking back at him.

“For doubting you.”

Jiune smiled and shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. I doubted myself often enough. And to be completely honest: it’s a very understandable fear. I’m not sure I’d have been brave enough to fall in love with a Jedi myself.”

Theron grinned as he came to stand next to her. “I guess that makes me braver than you, Commander.”

Jiune kissed him and grinned as well. “I guess it does. Well, you do have this job for a reason, agent.”

His carefree laugh settled in her heart and for the first time in a long time she found herself thinking how maybe, everything might come to a happy ending after all.


End file.
